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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the comfort zone in everyday journalism, and publications remain attentive of notable bog-related stories and milestones, notably connected to soccer. What a delight it was to find out that an online journalist a famous broadcaster possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Spare a thought about the Tykes follower who took the rest room rather too directly, and was rescued from an empty Oakwell stadium following dozing off in the toilet at half-time during a 2015 defeat versus the Cod Army. “His footwear was missing and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated an official from the local fire department. And nobody can overlook when, at the height of his fame with Manchester City, the controversial forward entered a community college to access the restrooms during 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, before entering and requesting directions to the restrooms, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed local Manchester media. “After that he was just walking round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday represents 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback against Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. According to Davies' personal account, his private Football Association notes, he stepped into the wet beleaguered England dressing room right after the game, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the official to reason with Keegan. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies discovered him collapsed – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, whispering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to save the circumstance.

“Where on earth could we find for confidential discussion?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with an England manager as players dived into the water. Merely one possibility emerged. The toilet cubicles. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history took place in the vintage restrooms of an arena marked for removal. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I secured the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I cannot inspire the squad. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “soulless”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's an extremely challenging position.” English football has come a long way during the last 25 years. For better or worse, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are no longer present, whereas a German currently occupies in the technical area Keegan previously used. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Today's Statement

“There we stood in a long row, in just our underwear. We were Europe’s best referees, top sportspeople, examples, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We barely looked at each other, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina inspected us completely with an ice-cold gaze. Silent and observant” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes match officials were formerly exposed to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What’s in a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss named ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to oversee the primary team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and awarded some merch, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the school playground with kids he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|